Us Weekly

Hi Folks! I'm busy as usual. I'm sure you are too. Quick shout out to Mother Nature who played very nice yesterday and didn't rain on our two outdoor events. After two big parties in the heat, the kids have their own version of a hangover...overtired, too much sugar...Then there's me who's operating on four hours of sleep. This may be a good night's sleep in Lindsay Lohan's world, but it's crash and burn time in mine. Anyway, I had a two issues of Us backed up. This past Friday's issue was okay. Real Housewives of Orange County is on the cover. I don't watch it, but probably should as it sounds like perfect fodder for blogging. However, the issue before that totally held my attention. Perhaps it was the cover:

I'm a sucker for diet information. Apparently I'm not alone judging from the magazine covers that I see in the grocery store checkout line. They tout things like "Lose the Belly Fat for Good!" Have you ever studied all of these magazine covers as a group? "Beat Stress!" "Walk the Weight Off!" "The Five Minute Solution For Exhaustion!" Why do we buy these? They really make us women out to be a sorry lot and P.S. If anyone out there has ever found a lasting solution to any of these problems in a weekly magazine, drop me a line. I digress. Back to the Us.

I always get a kick out of the "Who Wore It Best" section. I play a little game with myself and make my own judgment before looking at the stats. I am wrong 90% of the time. This week was no exception:

Grant you I was only off by four percentage points, but I picked Audrina Patridge. Seeing as the press is just crazy hard/cruel to Jessica Simpson, I'm glad to see some glimmer of positive press. However, I'm also happy to see the shirt that I gave away in 1995 (having not worn it since 1992) has made its way into the hands of someone who will wear it.

I wouldn't think this section would give me so much material, but the next page was great:

A blow out! It's about as common as pitching a perfect game (Go Halladay!) but it is well deserved by Lauren Conrad here. The parent in me cringes to see Taylor Momsen go from playing sweet Cindy Lou Who in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" to looking like a cross between Avril Lavigne and Courtney Love. This has "fallen child star" written all over it. Moving to the top right, do we care who wore this dress best? Apparently you turn into a miserable statue the moment you put it on. Now to the bottom right. Can anyone truly wear this dress best? It looks like a table cloth suitable for a luau with a checkerboard runner on it. Frankly, I'm surprised two people wore this creation. I don't get it.

The magazine also covers the Sex and the City premier, Bret Michaels' health issues (I think I'm a renewed fan post Celebrity Apprentice...may have to dig the old 45's out. Get well soon!), and the Sarah Ferguson scandal. However, it was two other clips that caught my attention.

Wahoo! J. Lo and Marc Anthony have managed to make it to six years of marriage. This means they are the new poster children for "long term" marriages by Hollywood standards. Congratulations! They are renewing their vows and have reportedly registered for gifts. I am absolutely sure they don't have everything they need from his first marriage or her first or second marriage. As celebrities, they clearly don't get enough free stuff, so people should absolutely drop cash so they can have the "paid for" variety. Hello tacky. Moving on...

No Dating for Tiger Woods! Apparantly Elin's team is watching his every move and his team feels as though it would not be a good idea. I couldn't agree more. Taking a woman to dinner publicly could be horribly damaging. Better stick to the undercover serial whoring. Go get him Team Elin!

And that's a wrap! I am out of mental steam to write anything else (the fashion reviews really take it out of me...sarcasm anyone?). So I will just bid you adieu and wish you a good night. Talk to you soon!

Us Magazine Monday 4-12-10

Happy Us Magazine Monday! Let me start by saying...WRETCH!!! You can take this in one of two ways. Kate Gosselin is a wretch, or "I wretch" as I have been forced to see this woman suck up space in my beloved Us magazine for waaaaaaay too many weeks. To make matters worse, I'm now writing about it, going against my own plea not to buy any more magazines that included her or the Kardashians as they are worthless "celebrities." However, my commentary this week is very well summarized from the front page.

First, continuing my tirade on Kate Gosselin. Does anyone else find it creepy that she looks like Britney Spears in this picture? Seeing as Britney is like ten years her junior, this should be a compliment. However, as a mother of eight, it strikes me as pathetic. The article inside goes on how she trumped John on her Easter celebration with the kids (photo op Easter egg hunt), how she's horrible to her dance partner Tony, and how the cast of Dancing With the Stars finds her nasty and "stand offish." Well Kate, after no less than ten Us cover stories, we get it...you're a bitch. Here's the deal people...we have control over this one. Nobody vote for her and we can get her off this show. I need a vacation from this woman.

I would also like to note PR strategies here. Kate gets divorced and she gets 10+ magazine covers from Us. Tiger Woods is a cheating, rotten scoundrel, and he had max 2 covers and maybe a sub story. To net it out, Kate's people are paying to keep her in the tabloids and Tiger's camp is paying to keep him out. I'll gladly set up the "Let's Buy Kate Gosselin Out of the Media Foundation" All I need is a Paypal account right? Who's game? But, getting back to Tiger Woods...



I would like to officially become a member of "Team Elin." I was so sick of these political wives who "stood by their men" as they were publicly humiliated by them. Go Elin for grabbing a golf club and going after him. I also congratulate her for standing her ground and not going to The Masters. I love the title of this article "Elin's Still Angry." Duhhhh. He cheated on her for years, but four months, and several pay offs to the dirty girls ought to be enough to smoothe things over right? Even if she ultimately stays with him, he really needs to be hung out to dry for the haul. Stand strong Elin!

Allow me to jet right into the whole "rehab for sex addiction" thing. Jesse James is the latest to cry "addiction." How come this is a "celebrity only" addiction? Any of you out there know of any "common folk" who "suffer" from this? I think not. It's called too much money, too much access, and code amongst high paid people to cover up bad behavior. As soon as they're caught they cry addiction. Two words...get lost.

Moving on to "Kourtney's ultimatum..."



Based upon these pictures I would say the ultimatum is "Stop stepping out like Hugh Heffner's mommy dressed you for Easter or I'm outta here!" I'm not even sure Mr. Heffner should get away with wearing a bathrobe in public. Mr. Kardashian certainly shouldn't. What is up with the smoking jacket and searsucker pants? I don't even know what to say about the fuschia china doll loafers. Can anyone envision their husbands in this getup? Maybe on Halloween, but that's about it. I would get into the real story as to "the ultimatum," but I really don't care. My support of the Kardashians being celebrities ends with the mocking of the wardrobe/wardrobe malfunction thank you very much.

One last unrelated snippet. I love Kristin Davis and Sex in the City, however, she has a normal pear shaped build and this picture is so blatantly airbrushed, I couldn't ignore it.



Would it kill us to see a normal build on the cover of a fitness magazine? Personally, I would embrace it, but no, they had to airbrush her down to a string bean.

That being said, I'm off to go work off my post partum pudge. Keeping my fingers crossed with some hard work I won't be humiliated to be seen in a bathing suit come June. Maybe Heidi Pratt has the right idea after all? Anywho, that wraps it up! Talk to you soon!