Friday, April 16, 2010

The HGTV Factor

As you familiarize yourself with my blog, you are probably getting the picture that I get hooked in certain things. I think you all got the memo about Us Magazine and Target. Since officially leaving the workforce and staying home with my 6.5 month old, I added a new one to the list...HGTV. It is the perfect channel to watch when your folding laundry, which you also got the memo, I do PLENTY of. However, there is something ironic about watching a show about styling a room while you're sitting in one that looks like Mt. Saint Laundry just errupted. This has lead me to really scrutinize the content of HGTV. There are a couple of issues/suggestions I would like to bring to the forefront.

The "Staging" of a home to make it more sellable. They transform these homes, update them, and make them spotless for like five cents. On these shows, clutter is the root of all evil. This basically means my house is burning for all eternity. I am CONSTANTLY decluttering my house. It's very much like trying to bucket water out of a sinking ship. Color it futile (What a great idea for a paint color!). They basically make these homes look like they are not lived in. No clutter, no personal photos, and I suspect if they opened a closet they would show the children gag tied and straight jacketed. So to net it out, the only thing that can be staged in my house is an intervention because Mommy is going Coo Coo trying to keep up this charade.

Now, to address the whole "decorating a room on a budget." deal. The shows where they completely redo a room for a thousand bucks are just insulting. I have seen an "under $100" antique door used as a headboard, transformed into a dining room table, and retrofitted to an existing armoire to add "depth and character." Anyone out there ever pull off a project like this? Lands where teams of designers and cute, talented, carpenters are available to us at no charge, are usually very very far away not to mention fictitious. This fairytale land also allows us to redo our rooms in half an hour. It's like editing is the new LSD. It makes us delusional in thinking we can pull off these projects lickity split. The exception would be TLC's Trading Spaces (I don't even know if this show is still on). They used to show people clearing out a room before the work began, but they would fast forward the footage so it looked completely frantic. That's pretty spot on in my world.

How about these shows where they look at three properties, pick one, and buy it as if it was a grocery store purchase? Anyone who has purchased a home knows it's blood, sweat, tears and stress out the ying yang. I'm telling you...editing...LSD. Enough said.

Now, I am a big believer, that if you have a problem, don't just whine about it, try and come up with a solution. That being said, I would like to suggest HGTV develop a show on how to artfully decorate your home with stuffed animals, baby gear, and the BS brought home by your kids. I have a vision of priming and painting the baby's exersaucer to blend in with the rest of the room. Super balls artfully collected in a painted shadow box. My favorite vision is the stuffed animals taken apart and reconstructed to make throw pillows (the part where my child is sobbing into it saying "but it was my FAVORITE," will be edited out). Gold mine right?

Home is where the heart is. It's also the place where all of life's doody falls. There's no "staging" that although on occassion it does require some spackle and paint. HGTV would have a field day with my house. Oh well. My house is like another family member. I love it no matter what. Too bad lent is over...I could have totally given up the HGTV had I thought of it. Since that time has passed I think I'll just turn the channel to the food network. Next posting will be about how bogus "thirty minute meals" are. It's always something. Have a great day!

1 comment:

  1. HGTV no longer makes me feel bad. Why? The design blogs that I love also make this childless, dog hair covered person feel L A Z Y. Why? No editing. They actually tell you how they do stuff. I guess there are no excuses left for me.