Thursday, April 22, 2010

Us Magazine...Thursday???

Hey, it happens sometimes. 3 rounds of illness, A travelling husband, a 50th anniversery and a birthday celebration have made time evaporate in this household. So now it's Thursday. I am back from spin class and I am finally able to sit down and blog. Admitedly, I'm listening to my almost seven month old on the monitor and trying to mentally will her back to sleep (that's code for I'm ignoring her...c'mon girl, help a mom out. GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!)

So, back to the magazine. I got to page 2 before I was hit with a two page spread of Kim Kardshian displaying a variety of mini dresses. The cost of the dresses and shoes undoubtedly could have fed an entire third world country, but hey, anything for a photo op for the Kardashians. Page 4, Khloe Kardashian. Page 23 back to Kim Kardashian with this pic:

So, she states she gets "bikini ready by doing squats and lunges." You sure? It looks like you get there by sticking your head under my kitchen sink (I'm referring to the plumber butt here). One word...gross. Spare us the peek-a-boos and just go naked already. Oddly, I think it would be more tasteful.

Onto Hilary Duff's 25 Things You Didn't Know About Me. I'm torn on this one (Except for the fact she decidedly has to step away from the spray tan booth). Is she my soulmate or providing TMI here?

2. I speak gibberish fluently - soulmate
3. I watched "The Holiday" nine times last Christmas - soulmate, it's in standard rotation in my DVD player
4. My mom used M&M's to potty train me - TMI
9. I sleep with four dogs and two cats when my fiance isn't home - TMI, and by the way it makes it sound like Lizzie Maguire has one foot in the adult section here. Ewe.
16. I lose my keys at least twice a day - soulmate
23. The only car accidents I have ever been in were on my property - TMI, but only because this didn't work out so well for Tiger Woods.

Yep,it's a draw. But I'm leaning towards soulmate because of my own downfall where TMI is concerned. If you want to know what I'm talking about, just drop the word "pregnancy" around me and you'll get far more than you bargained for. That is a shout out for my dear friends who have listened to me tell the same stories ad nauseum...I love you for putting up with me and I will make a valiant effort to stop.

I seriously don't know where to start or stop with this one, so I'm just going to post the picture.

Okay, one comment. I heard she got the chin done. Why? The laws of gravity dictate that the second she trips the boobs are going to pull her straight down causing her to smash it again. Just an excuse for more surgery I guess. Moving on.

Now, I don't go to the Us for fashion advice and here is a perfect example why:

"Marbled" denim my's called acid washed and the memories are not fond. If they're going to bring back these eighties nightmares, could they at least bring back the million pockets? Those would actually come in handy and might eliminate my need for a diaper bag. Judging from the length of the shorts, I am entirely too old to be reading this magazine. The "sporty" pair also serves as a time machine. If you wear them with a pair of sports socks pulled up to your knees (preferably with two colored bands up at the top) you will be instantly deposited in 1975.

And that's a wrap. I didn't even have to go on a tirade about K.G. (I don't even want to type her name) and managed to make it to page 58 before having to endure her presence.

For those of you wondering, I caved and got my precious baby girl five minutes after starting this. No animals were hurt, and there were two diaper changes, one Baby Einstein video, countless pacifiers, and a bottle feeding during the creation of this post. TMI? Old habits die hard.

Happy Thursday!

1 comment:

  1. 'under my kitchen sink'...BWAAAHHHAA! You rock girl. Sorry I have not responded to your text. It's been that kind of a week.